I don't like any of the career options offered in modern Australian society. It's taken me years to figure it out. It's not just that I haven't found the right one yet - it's that all the things I've ever wanted to be just don't exist. It's also taken me years to realise that all I've ever really wanted is to be a secret agent or a starship captain or an X-wing pilot or a Super Saiyan or a Jedi. Needless to say, coming to this realising recently hasn't helped me feel any better about my future career prospects.
Most of all, I hate that even if these jobs existed, I still wouldn't have any of them because I'm not the right type of person. After all, the right type of person for any of those professions is the type of person who would create a space for themselves in the world rather than forlornly wishing the world were other than it is. Confident, charismatic, resourceful, not cowardly, shy and useless.
Instead, I feel like there's no space for me in the world at all. I don't belong anywhere. Too mundane to be outstanding but too much of a dreamer to be happy being mundane.
Oh yes, that's right. There's this box, and you type in it.
So my second-to-last entry had a list of goals for 2009. You will be pleased to know that I failed all of them except the one about doing less netball. However, I did end up starting German language classes in 2010 instead.
Don't have much to say, really. Turns out it's pretty awkward to write for the first time in over three years!
Mon, Feb. 9th, 2009, 07:22 pm
Victorian friends roll call
Burned by fire Y/N?
PLEASE EVERYONE SAY N DDDDDD-:
Deepest condolences to anyone affected by this catastrophe. The death toll is almost double Ash Wednesday's and poised to rise. I really hope all you Victorians and your families are okay. ♥
Mon, Jan. 12th, 2009, 11:36 am
I was dreading returning to work and it seems my dread was justified. By all account last week was a total mess, with one colleague deciding at the last minute to extend her holiday by a week with only an email sent to the manager, who was also on leave. So last week the office was on half staff, and down to only two one day when another girl was sick. As a result there's shitloads to get done and I just don't have the energy. I'm sick of this.
I was feeling pretty crappy all weekend, thinking about work. I'm heartily sick of not being able to stop thinking about work on weekends. Even a good weekend of football couldn't stop it! The youth team won 0-3 in Gosford, the senior team had a 3-4 win also in Gosford, and bloody hell, what a game that was to watch, even just on TV. Any game where seven goals are scored is a good one, as long as the team I'm supporting scores more than half of them. Well, actually Central Coast scored four of the seven, but since one of them went into their own net I won't complain. And then of course the women's team won their semifinal at Ballymore on penalties, with Casey Dumont saving two. I would have preferred that one to be over at the end of regular time because holy crap, Ballymore Stadium is a flaming piece of shit and I was sick to death of sitting in it. My arse was going numb down one side and the stadium was full of kids. The problem there is that with kids come parents, and parents (my friends who have kids excepted of course :-P) have to be among the most boring people in the world. I'm sure they're behind the Fun Police at most sporting venues.
Anyway, back to the original topic, which was hating work. I've been sitting at home for the last week thinking about my life and the parts of it that suck, and as a result I've come up with a list of things I'm going to do this year to try to make stuff better. Not New Year's Resolutions, because that makes them seem grander than they really are, and with that inflated importance comes inflated expectations, and that means I'm more likely to fail. I'm also not going to put in anything which is dependent on others, such as 'find a new job' or anything too nebulous such as 'find direction in life'. So here are some things I'm going to do this year.
Stuff To Make My Life Suck Less
- Play less netball this year, and take a total break from coaching, no matter how desperate for coaches my club and association are.
- Take language classes through IML at UQ - German or Greek or both.
- Find something, anything, to do to lose weight that is fun. Suggestions welcomed. I hate gyms. This is a problem.
- Save more, spend less. Goals are Iceland-Estonia-Finland-Italy 2010, and Brazil 2014 for the World Cup.
- Get a passport. It will make foreign travel just that little bit closer.
Will add more things as I think of them.
Wed, Jan. 7th, 2009, 11:54 pm
OMG you guys all write too much. It took me AGES to catch up on a week or so of entries! I'm not sure what to write about since most of the last week and a bit has been spent with other people, who have already LJed about it, but to recap...
Flew to Melbourne with Anthony on NYE. The first thing he did upon checking into the hotel was go to the gym. *eyeroll* I settled into the hotel room (read: scattered the contents of my luggage all over the room in a search for a change of clothes I didn't hate) and enjoyed the free broadband while waiting for his lordship to return. We wandered around a bit before meeting up with augustuscaesar
, who took us for Nepalese food and then to charliequinn
's house, where the meeting of new people happened without the world exploding (with Anthony involved, IT COULD HAPPEN). The presence of cats probably helped. :-D
NYD was spent walking around doing not a lot, before meeting Jamie and Jen on Lygon St for dinner. That was quite an experience. We ate first at a restaurant that ran out of bread
, WTF, but which also gave us two free bottles of wine, so we called that one a win overall. Then we decided to go elsewhere in pursuit of dessert, and this one was a definite loss. The staff inside hadn't heard of the dessert the man out the front promised, they ran out of ice-cream and the wrong orders were brought. The only thing that restaurant did right was the port, and that's because it's pretty hard to stuff up pouring your basic Penfolds Tawny into some glasses.
On Friday I ditched Anthony (who went to the gym, surprise surprise) for Jamie and Jen again and the three of us went to see the Old Melbourne Gaol, which was a definite highlight of the trip. Not as creepy or solemn as parts of Port Arthur, but utterly fascinating, very well put together and researched and home of one of the best tacky souvenir shops I have ever encountered. I bought: one bright orange souvenir mug, a Ned Kelly fridge magnet, a little plush Ned Kelly on a keyring, a pair of thumb cuffs for Ben, a pair of Ned Kelly earrings for Mum, four postcards and a set of Melbourne Gaol playing cards. I LOVE STUPID SOUVENIRS OMG.
After the Gaol Anthony and I went to the pub across the road from our hotel and engaged in some drinking with the few Roar fans in town for the match and approximately 822165987524 Victory fans. Most of the Melbourne fans were pretty cool, which I say based entirely on the fact that one of them was wearing a silly hat. The match itself sucked - the away supporters' section at Telstra Dome has probably the worst view in the world and we lost, so really nothing good there. Then back to the pub for more drinking with the opposition fans. To their credit, they hardly gloated at all, presumably because rubbishing Sydney together is much more fun. Top bunch of guys and I will welcome them warmly should they make it up here for a match.
I think I am a jinx on the Roar at away games. Every time I've been to an away game we've lost. I single-handedly ruined our hitherto undefeated away record for this season. D-:
Saturday was probably my favourite day of the trip. Met up with kitsunegari
for brunch then met up with Tara again to try for the Wicked lottery, but didn't have any luck. Doesn't matter, I'll see it in June when I'm down for the WC qualifier against Japan! Anthony went to the gym again, so the three of us went for lunch. We found the most awesome restaurant in Little Bourke St, complete with big fuckoff picture of Mao with "Serve the People" written across it. We actually only went in there because it was painted bright red and it had Mao in the name - how can you pass up something that tacky? Turned out to be an excellent choice. Food was cheap, plentiful and delicious, service was very attentive and wine list markup wasn't too horrendous. While we were sitting there a Falun Gong protest march went by outside - it took a good ten minutes to go by, which is way more impressive than what the Brisbane Falun Gong people can manage. They do three little old ladies sitting in Post Office Square with some signs. Melbourne put on a parade with floats and bands and costumes and very well translated signs - no Engrish at all!
Sunday was spent shopping in the CBD with Anthony, who spent about five hours trying to decide whether to buy a bag or not. Flew home. Collapsed.
Great five days, all in all. We stayed at the Alto Hotel on Bourke St and would recommend it to anyone. We booked on wotif.com and our package included free cooked breakfast each morning, free wireless broadband access and free access to the local Fitness First gyms (which Anthony loved). The staff were really helpful and the room was nice enough. Will definitely stay there again.
I'm really glad I took this week off work. Best thing about it was watching the cricket today! I can't believe Graeme Smith went out to bat with a buggered elbow on one arm and a fractured hand on the other. The South Africans have earned an awful lot of respect this tour, and most of it has been earned single-handedly by this man. I almost wanted them to hold on for the draw, but really I'm pleased that Johnson got him out! Losing the series 2-1 is not quite as bad as losing 2-0.
On the topic of cricket, Mum bought me the Men of Cricket calendar. It has Mitchell Johnson on the front cover and as Mr November. I think it will be November all year in my house.
I'm beginning to dread going back to work and I'm seriously thinking about calling up on Monday morning and just telling them I'm not coming back. I really want to study full time again but it's a bit hard to make it work when I have rent to pay.
Also, someone got raped at my uni the other day so I'm a little hesitant to spend too much time there. Griffith Uni Nathan campus is largely covered with bushland and this is far from the first rape to happen there. Yet another reason to transfer to UQ as soon as possible.
Tue, Dec. 30th, 2008, 02:57 pm
Forcing myself to write something, because I need to get back into the habit. Christmas was the same as usual - it's not the big thing for my family that it is for some. Due to family Secret Santas my loot list is short but good quality: $75 Borders voucher, new Queensland Roar jersey, an Irvine Welsh book I didn't have yet, a cute little bead rabbit thing from my 12-year-old cousin and a bag of random stuff (wine, new wallet, perfume, book, etc) from Dad.
Most of the Christmas celebrations came in the form of food. Picked Ben up and did the trek to Doolanbloodydella to see Dad on Christmas Eve. Dad had a spread of cold meats and salads, but since my father is who he is, those salads were somewhat odd. In addition to the standard garden salad, we had capsicum/cucumber/cream salad and quite a strange salad of red cabbage and banana. I was dubious, but it actually worked quite well.
Christmas Day saw lunch at Anthony's eldest sister's place - salads again and the BBQ was fired up. I also put together the World's Ugliest Cake Ever - I bought a coffee sponge from the Italian grocer, coated it with whipped cream and grated chocolate on top. Sounds good in theory, which is what I thought, but the cake got squashed and was all lopsided, and getting the cream to go where I wanted it was HARD. We surrounded the bottom of the cake with profiteroles filled with chocolate custard. I think Anthony had as much trouble filling the profiteroles as I had creaming the cake. The kitchen floor was a mess of smashed profiterole cases, which the cat quite enjoyed. Anyway, it tasted bloody nice but oh god, it was monstrously ugly. I believe some photos were taken. I might try to dig some up.
Christmas dinner was at my uncle's house, and again we had cold meats and salad - Craig did a roast chicken and Mum bought some really nice leg ham. Again with the strange salads though. Grandma got her hands on a recipe book, god help us. The mustard potato salad was awesome, as were the watermelon/onion salad, the wombok/noodle salad and the Waldorf salad.
Boxing Day saw yet MORE eating at Anthony's other sister's house. BBQ and salads again. Sane, sensible salads this time, and some awesome German sausages. I spent all afternoon watching the cricket while Anthony beat his sisters at Monopoly. I was very glad to go home to sleep off all the food. I'm still not entirely convinced I need to eat again for at least a month, but I say that every year. When your boyfriend comes from a Greek family, Christmas is a gastronomic adventure of Herculean proportions.
Anyway, it's 3pm and I'm leaving work because I have to pack/iron/wash/worry/leave instructions for care of cat/confirm lift to airport/do last minute shopping in preparation for being in Melbourne tomorrow! Drop me a message on Facebook if you will be in Melbourne over the next five days and want to meet up - schedule isn't totally filled yet!
Wed, Dec. 17th, 2008, 01:08 pm
Token update just to prove I still exist, in case anyone was wondering.augustuscaesar
, I got your card last weekend, THANKYOU! It was a lovely surprise in my PO box. I have just been too forgetful to thank you sooner!
Also, everyone, I'm sorry for being a crap LJ friend. I rarely comment (mostly because I'm shy and think everyone has forgotten me and doesn't want to hear from me, with one or two exceptions) and my entries are boring and sporadic and I'm generally just sorry. I could whinge about work on this thing until the cows come home but I've been told by a number of people IRL that it's tiresome and unpleasant so I won't burden anyone else with it. Last entry aside. I needed to vent, sorry.
So, what's everyone doing for Christmas? Seeing the family, avoiding the family, getting drunk, remembering last year and carefully not
getting drunk, anything, everything? Share! I'm bored at work and want distractions. :-)
For the record, I'm seeing my dad and stepfamily probably on Christmas Eve, spending Christmas lunch with Anthony's family, Christmas dinner with Mum's side of the family, then Boxing Day watching the cricket and swimming at Anthony's sister's place. Then driving to Maryborough to eat at la Casa Tina on the 27th, home for the football on the 28th, working Monday & Tuesday, then buggering off to Melbourne for five days. :-D
I'm looking forward to Tina's in Maryborough the most of the Christmas gatherings. Tina is Mum's best friend of 30+ years and my godmother, and she's probably the world's best cook. It'll be laid back, no expectations, no awkwardness, there's a pool and a short road trip there and back - what's not to love? :-D
Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008, 11:12 am
I'm sick of everyone putting off answering the phone in the hope that someone else will get it. I'm sick of Blonde Colleague doing nothing but chatting on the phone with her friends at work, and nattering on pointlessly at the rest of us in between phone calls. I'm sick of having the fucking radio on at work when there are already phones ringing and up to five other people all talking on the phone in really quite a small room. I'm sick of errors and inaccuracies that I have to fix. I'm sick of mindless chirpy fucking optimism. I'm sick of computer systems that don't do what they're supposed to do. I'm sick of double standards and pointless edicts. I'm sick of having to remember each tiny little change in rules and procedures. I'm sick of my coworkers' sense of entitlement. I'm sick of my life being fucked around by this job. I'm sick of my coworkers all pretending that we're a happy little girlie family and all the ridiculous talk of skim milk and shoes and makeup and boys that comes with it. I'm sick of unprofessionalism and blurring of work/life boundaries. I'm sick of being made to feel pointless and obsolete. I'm sick of promised improvements being deferred or forgotten. I'm sick of being made to feel that my grievances are trivial and that I'm a petty, small-minded person for having them.
Why can't I find another job? I've been looking for SIX MONTHS. Surely the fact that I want one half-day per week off for study isn't that big a dealbreaker for prospective employers. I feel totally useless, like there must be something wrong with me. Is it that my skills look good on paper but I'm too ugly or have a personality problem or don't wear makeup or smell funny?
Wed, Nov. 26th, 2008, 10:27 am
So, I'm pretty crap at this whole remembering to update business, huh? As usual it's because I have very little to say. The only interesting things that have happened lately were that THE ROAR ACTUALLY MANAGED A HOME WIN OMG, with Charlie Miller scoring AGAIN because he's just amazing. By A-League standards, anyway. He may have eaten all the pies but as long as he keeps scoring goals semi-regularly he can stroll onto the pitch with a string of sausage rolls around his neck for all I care.
Also, I am in awe of Craig Moore even more - for him to be diagnosed with testicular cancer and then front up and play only eleven days after having an operation is pretty impressive.
The other thing occupying my mind quite a bit at the moment is the fact that I played two games of netball in a row last night without being allowed to slack off at GS, and as a result today I am having trouble moving. I also have two massive blisters on my feet so I showed up at work today carrying my shoes. I figured that carrying my shoes into the office was slightly more dignified than the stiff-legged shuffle punctuated with swearing that is the only walk I can manage with my shoes on.
I'm really hoping netball doesn't get cancelled tonight, because if I don't do some exercise today to recover from last night I'm going to be totally paralysed tomorrow. Getting into my netball shoes with these blisters will be interesting, but I'm sure if I use a thousand band-aids I'll be just fine.
This weekend I plan to do absolutely nothing except sit around playing Sims and watching the cricket. It will be an excellent opportunity to
ogle Mitchell Johnson relax. I was considering actually going to the Sheffield Shield match but Mitchell Johnson won't be playing because he's with the national team in Adelaide I really can't be bothered and the international match on telly will be more interesting.
The only thing that could make my life more mundane and depressingly average is joining a Thursday night bowls club trivia team. Uh, which I kind of already do. I AM SO BORING IT HURTS. D-:
Wed, Nov. 5th, 2008, 03:37 pm
CONGRATULATIONS, Americans, on your new President. And THANK YOU for voting for who I believe is the right man for the job. And major respect to those of you who not only cast your own vote but sacrificed your time and energy to mobilise others to do the same. Coming from a country where voting is compulsory, it's easy to forget that getting people to the ballots in the first place is half the battle.
McCain's concession speech was very graceful, I thought. He seems like an OK sort of guy. Shame about his clueless idiot running mate.
We've been sitting here at work, clustered around the TV I brought in for the Melbourne Cup yesterday, doing no work and watching the final stages of the election coverage. Obama's speech was powerful, but not as powerful as the shots of people crying for joy in the park.
I hope this changes the world for the better. I believe this will change the world for the better.